My concept of God is slightly unconventional. I understand God
as a formless power or a cluster of concentrated energy from which
all life originates. But I would still love to explore my concept
of God as I’m not completely convinced that what I’ve
envisaged is actually the correct concept of God. As a child,
the only semblance of proof I found of this energy would be when
I would sit on the terrace of my home in Amristar gazing at the
clouds. I’ve always connected nature with God – it’s
the biggest proof we have of God.
I’ve never followed rituals neither do I worship idols.
My family practiced the principles of Arya Samaj and the only
ritual held at home would be the occasional havan. Every Sunday,
a pundit would come home, read out the shlokas. I’ve still
retained them in my memory. The purpose of this whole exercise
would be to purify the atmosphere. My father would stress on purity
- restrain from the self-damaging negative emotions like resentment,
hostility, anger and jealousy.
I strongly believe in the theory of karma. I simply cannot perceive
God as some conniving superpower who rewards or punishes us for
our deeds. The way I look at it is that if you do bad, you create
around you an energy of negativity which is what actually harms
you. I also believe that the life you inherit is simply the chemistry
of nature – it’s a pattern that God has no hand in.
And death is not the end of life - there is a consciousness, an
awakening, an experience which carries on. Presently though, my
mind is reeling under questions pertaining to the purpose of living
and dying when we do.
In relation to God, I‘ve never followed the norms of society.
It’s more important for me to follow my inner voice, my
instinct. I follow the path of freedom - being answerable only
to my conscience. I talk to AND question God. He is like an area
within me that I can comfortably slip into. Whenever I’m
in conflict with myself or when I find the need for quiet contemplation,
my favourite haunt is the Erengal Church at Madh Island. I adore
the serenity of this Church and I can spend hours here just sitting,
thinking and sometimes writing.
As told to KANAKA SINGH