“I wanted to come back and tell everybody I’d made it alone…’

SHE FINDS AN EERIE QUALITY IN her dreams – if she wants it hard enough, she finds it fulfilled. She had her first brush with Ladakh nearly ten years ago. There was something about the rugged expanse, which kept calling her back every time. One day, she saw glimpses of the frozen Zanskar River on television. Sitting there watching it, there was an irrepressible urge in her to be there, walking on ice-all alone. An injured knee didn’t deter her from setting off. Nor did the danger of crashing through the glacier into nothingness. It was a fantasy that simply had to be lived for the highly acclaimed actor, poet and artist Deepti Naval.

The first impulse…

I went to Ladakh for the first time with my fiance’ Vinod in 1995. We drove all the way from Bombay via Delhi, then Spiti Valley to Lahaul and finally to Ladakh.

I had heard of the frozen river in the Zanskar Valley. I’d walked around the area where the rivers Indus and Zanskar meet and then flow down towards Pakistan. In winter, when the river freezes, you can walk on the river and go into the Zanskar Valley. It has no access otherwise. This rugged terrain and the sheer expanse just keep pulling me back.

One day, I saw glimpses of the Zanskar on BBC. I felt, “Oh, my God, this is something I must do.” Trekking on the icy expanse of Ladakh, all alone was my secret dream. On the day before starting for my journey, I just told my closest friend Pemu. I gaver her password of my computer and told her I’d written down everything. Pemu was hysterical, ‘How can you do this?’ But I knew I had to, in the way I had imagined.

Second thoughts…

Frankly, the night before starting, I had second thoughts. I realized this might be a stupid thing to do. I may not return from this trip alive. But then I felt that if I was to lose my life going down the river, then maybe that’s the way it’s meant to be.

Setting off…

I reached Leh on Jan 9 and it was snowing. After acclimatization, I left for the river on the 14th. Frankly, there was a tinge of skepticism too – being an Indian woman, and going alone everybody thinks you’re little weird. Not even the foreigners travel alone, and they are well-equipped too. But I didn’t want to do it the touristy way –it had to be the way the local travel and I wanted to do it their way. It’s good to be well-equipped, but then it becomes too organized and easy. I wanted to rough it out.

Dangerous footings…

So, with my two local porters, I began my frozen river trek – the Tchadar Expedition, as it is called. It entails everything, from walking on rock ice to going into the water. All of a sudden, you find yourself in knee-deep water and then you have to climb high rocks. There are times when you have to crawl under rocks with just a little space between the rock cliff side and the melted river. It’s adventurous – all that crawling, ducking and climbing. But it’s dangerous too.

We held to look for caves before darkness set in. And these were not proper caves, but actually niches in the rocks. We had to light a fire, to save ourselves from the cold and to also keep the wild animals at bay – wolves and snow leopards.

The dangerous part of walking on a frozen river is if you put your feet on soft ice, it’ll break. You’ll land in the water, get caught by the underwater current and finally get dragged under the frozen ice… It becomes really treacherous when it snows since you don’t get to see the thin ice. On our return, three Germans and locals helped us scrape through – it would have been difficult with my bad knee, the result of an old car accident.

Living the dream…

The experience was every bit of what I’d imagined and much more. Every step was a wonderful surprise. I kept waiting for more surprises – whether it was observing the ice formations, or sitting huddled in the cave – every moment was an enriching experience. When my porters would break pieces of ice into the kettle to make tea or to cook vegetables, chattering away in Ladakhi, I would ferociously scribble on my notebook, penning my thoughts, writing poetry… It simply was a dream. The first night, when I looked at the night sky, I just stood there – stunned. It looked so unreal, as if it was an artificial image worked out on computer graphics. The most fascinating part was the texture of the ground under the clear water and its ice and rock formations.

I trekked to the point where the river reaches the villages and started walking back. Survival was vital. I wanted to come back and tell everybody I’d made it alone…

Looking back…

This experience has changed me from within, it will always remain, very special for me.

Dreams are frightening…

I find dreams frightening. There is a certain eerie quality to dreams. Sometimes you actually achieve what you really wish for. One just has to work towards the goal. And if you meet failure, its fine too – since in a journey, failure is as imperative as success.

Future dreams? None really. I believe in the now, and I don’t plan or visit a palmist or an astrologer. I do not wish to know what the future holds for me. As of now, I want to be a true nomad – I’ve got addicted to life’s surprises.

AS TOLD TO EDWIN PAUL